Is it finally so easy to “listen actively” and consider different views in our daily routines?

“Active listening” is undoubtedly a basic skill while teaching other people how to be more empathetic to their fellows. Indeed keeping in touch with others still remains the overall object. The following example had been a personal experience: It was morning and I had a cup coffee while preparing a speech about “active listening” when a friend phoned to ask me to check an article that he was planning to publish and give him my opinion. I said “yes” to him and continued working on my project. It was later that I realized I had completely forgotten my friend’s request…

I thought about this incident for a little while and then I asked myself an honest question: “We try hard to get further education on “active listening”, “empathy”, and “communication skills” but how ready are we to meet other people and spend time with them in order to “consider their different views”? And if we can’t find time to meet our grandparents, friends and students etc. so when we can meet “another” person to practice our communication skills? And finally, are we ready and available to “listen actively” while we are engaged to certain activities of our daily routines?”

These questions don’t have a mind to judge our intentions. Of course, someone who wants to learn more about communication skills and especially “active listening” has certain positive motivations as the result of interest on his fellows. But this does not mean that people who are not interested in being taught these verbal skills are not so “good” or “empathetic”. In fact there are many ways to practice “empathy” and “understanding” including touch and non-verbal communication. I was just wondering why we should practice “isolated” skills while we could plan our lives in a different way so as to be -in a more “physical” way- near our families and friends, having true eye contact with them, sharing our problems with them, practicing empathy, openness and support instead of being busy or silent and feeling desperate or alone…

But what features of our daily routines make it difficult for the “different views” to be included?

“Daily routine” is a concept primarily neutral. In Greek language we sometimes use the word “routine” with a negative “color” to describe something “flat” and “boring”. However this concept refers to essential everyday activities that constitute “ourselves” such as activities that help us being organized as well as having some fun with daily “rituals”, for example: the “ritual” of a special coffee time could be a part of the daily routine. “Routine” is in any case necessary for our “balance” though such routines involve particular practices and persons! And it seems as these particular sets of people are getting “narrower” and “narrower” as we grow up. Or are we justified to be so much suspicious, fearful or desperate to meet or trust new people?

I perceive a common trend to “choose” the “easy” relationships: this means that we keep relations with those who generally agree with us. Moreover this common trend sounds “normal”. It looks like “life is too short to keep up with those who trouble you”… But avoiding “wasteful troubles” is different than expecting only conformity and agreement in “good relationships”. Of course tolerance is more expected among friends but on the other hand, suppressing “bad” aspects of other people or isolating their “good” ones are not fair attitudes as well.

In fact “creative conflicts” are a fundamental part of “healthy” relationships. Considering different views in our daily routines in the first place includes these “good conflicts”. “Active listening” perhaps could discover even such conflicts. But veritable communication is not afraid of such challenges since it is seeking for “understanding”, “respect” and “value” instead of sharpening “dissonances”.

Last but don’t least it is constitutive to foster our communication skills but if we don’t have the time to meet each other what is the meaning of being better? For instance sometimes we prefer “computer screens” rather than “people”. While “computer screens” could provide a range of information and specialized knowledge they can’t give us the opportunity to listen to them “actively”. Perhaps “ordinary” people are more interesting than we expected as sometimes they can change our common priorities to more “vital” ones and show us interesting lifestyles and “hidden” meanings of life. What is more, sympathetic people are considered as more attractive and charming! But the first step is to open our hearts and the second one should be to foster our ears’ skills!

Christina Kalavri